I suck at marketing

I used to be good with words. Showing myself. Sharing to a bunch of strangers - and less strangers - the ebbs and flows of my thoughts and life. I had a blog for more than 10 years, I worked in communications, I wrote tons of unpublished texts, (love)letters, stories, and poems.

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However in the past years, I've grown increasingly silent - words no longer flow effortlessly - except for writing events descriptions and containers. I still keep a journal where I simply puts words and sentences - nothing ordered or fancy. I force myself to write a few fb/ig posts here and there, mostly to promote my events.

In the past years (and this is a vulnerable share), I've also often found myself reacting to those who are taking up space on social media and public spaces, especially when they promote work similar to mine.

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Yet, I've been wanting to create content, write more posts, take more pictures, share reflections on my current journey, what I do, where I now exist, and that incredible world I am now exploring and living. I want to speak of the beauty of bringing people together and enabling them to experience life-changing moments, I want to write about healing, conscious touch & intimacy, sacred sx, and trance states, I want to tell the world how grateful and privileged I am to be in the first row of witnessing that transformation, and, more than ever, make that work and ideas visible to more - all of this feels much more significant than my previous self-centered blogging existence.

And I see clearly how my reaction to those who confidently occupy space is a reaction to my own hesitation to show up. ((Next affirmations are still challenging for me to own)) I recognize that I am legitimate and skilled in what I do, that I have wisdom and meaningful perspectives to share. I know how to write and express and even create a marketing plan (skill from my former life). I know how to support ideas, be clear, persuasive, and structure reflections.

Though, as I told a friend yesterday - I suck at marketing.

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As I'm coming back from 4 days at the Toronto Tantra Festival 2023, I want to share about that incredible experience. I want to tell about co-facilitating a group of 129* participants in a Temple ritual with Max. I want to put words on the crazy-beauty-transcendance of the Ecstatic Church on Sunday morning. I want to speak into the transformation, the playfulness, the depth, the magic.

Once again, I find myself stuck.

How can I even try to trace the edges of what it actually was? How can I share about a transpersonal experience on a personal level? How can I describe the initiation we underwent in facilitating that Temple night without making it about my Ego?

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My intention going into TantraFest was to release my need to be seen - to speak when I'm invited (I am testing Human Design suggestions) - to remain open and less guarded. It indeed created some ripples, that I'm still integrating.

I'm writing that post to hold myself accountable - to stop hiding behind excuses or reasons to not share, speak, or write. I'm writing to take a leap and start rowing in the direction.

Whatever resistance stands in the way, I can no longer ignore it. Though it remains unclear what blocks the flow, I am determined to uncover the shadow and, ultimately, dispel it.

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* The number has been calculated by a Dominatrix, I wouldn't dare rounding it up.